I was thinking of which angle to tackle the topic of Woman’s Day this past weekend. So as fate would have it, I decided on writing about the wrongs of women instead of celebrating them, unfortunately. So here goes a full post on the reasons as to why being a woman sometimes saddens me.
I will start off by setting up a scene for you.
Imagine waking up after a hectically fun weekend with some friends and family. You had a good time, no, fantabulous weekend with loved ones and did some work on the side as well. You wake up feeling ready to tackle Monday head-on because you know that on Tuesday all South Africans will be celebrating females everywhere and you get to spend that with girlfriends. Then you get on the road and all that changes within a few minutes, your happy, excited feeling, your mood, perspective; everything!
Well, that’s what happened to me this morning, but I am about to be more detailed than that. I was on my way to work when some lady flashed at me from behind. So I ignored her because I thought that she was a crazy lady, yes that’s what I’ll call her, and crazy ladies need as little attention as possible. So crazy lady persisted and went on the next lane to get my attention once more. I see her mouth yapping, but of course being the crazy lady that she was she didn’t roll down her window and speak loudly or do hand gestures like ‘palm out’ would have meant ‘stop’, for example, something only non-crazy people would know.
So she eventually overtakes and gets in front me. At this point I’m forced to stop and chat to crazy lady. Crazy lady gets out and looks angry, so I’m like “crazy lady has gone crazier.” However, I think her craziness was aggravated more by my gesture; I pointed my finger towards my wrist implying that I’m late for work. So I roll down my window and she immediately tells me that I hit her car. I was in disbelief because I never heard a bump or felt a bump and there was no scratch on either her car or mine. So now I’m more puzzled.
So I proceeded to ask her where, as in which area, did I ‘hit’ her. She told me where and I was like all right. She physically pushes me almost into an oncoming car, I then become angry, mind you this woman is not only older but bigger than me but had the emotions and behaviour of a 10 year old, so I had to be careful because I honestly did not want to get into a ghetto fight in the wee hours of the morning with little Miss I’m Right All The Time.
This is where my cousin got out of the car and tried to keep the peace. She insisted on carrying on with the fight, even after a third party was present, by telling me that I bumped into the car and I need to pay. Of course I just agreed and silently appreciated that I have insurance. Now this is a woman who clearly seemed to be going through something and really wanted to be acknowledged as someone who was correct and I was wrong and rude, so she insisted on carrying on with this futile argument. I was quick to admit that I was in the wrong. She could have said I hit her car until it flipped over I would have agreed, just to keep the peace. But she was very loud and abrasive and very aggressive.
Had she been calmer, more respectful and less violent I would have probably felt guilty about something I’m certain I didn’t do. But she wasn’t, she didn’t care about me at all. The fact that she was older meant that she had to show me the right way in doing things, but she didn’t teach me anything and therefore all I got from this was that she’s an older, angry woman ready to do bodily harm in order to prove a point; that’s it.
All I got from this experience was that black women, particularly older ones, still have a lot to learn themselves on how to respect women, particularly younger ones. I say this generically speaking because it’s not the first time I witness it, and neither is it the last. Believe it or not there are quite a few young women who continue to look for guidance from older women, some of our mothers raised us very well. But the older women are still competing with us; for the attention of men, for jobs, money, to be right. Pointless things when it comes to women relationships. She threatened me. I’m scarred today, I will be better tomorrow but I doubt this experience will be easy to forget. It was really unpleasant. There hardly any communication done in words, well at least from her side, her hands spoke in loud volumes.
I was willing to take the blame in order to keep the peace because she was older and I was really getting late for work but most importantly, all this was unnecessary. But because she was fighting, because of a possible scratch, the next time I see her, God I hope I never, but if I do all I will see is a woman who nearly almost put me into hospital because I refused to fight back.
There will probably be a lot of repetition here and that’s simply because I’m still in a daze, still fazed from what happened today. So, what I’m saying is this post might be the most confusingly written post ever from me, please don’t attack me in any form, just forgive me. Never have I ever been this belittled before. It’s a shocking feeling for me.
After work I will be going to two women who I know for sure will never ever hurt me, my grandma and mama. I just need two sets of shoulders to cry on before I carry on with tomorrow’s happenings. What happened today will happen tomorrow to some other young lady, and maybe she won’t be lucky enough to come out alive. Hating one another and attacking people, especially between women, is so old fashioned and tacky, not to mention non-lady-like. I think someone should buy her the Oprah DVD set for Woman’s Day tomorrow, she could learn a thing or two about respect among fellow women.